Oh no! They gave me a scrapberry!?

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A bunch of not-so-endearing nicknames I have for the hideous horrendous mobile computing device I have been given for work - otherwise known as a blackberry. I would never ever buy one of these terrible things.

They are very popular in business - and sadly that usually means the people who buy them are not the people who use them. Sadly this means that usability appears to have taken a back seat. Such simple errors of usability still about on these appalling devices. 

For example, there are two "convenience" keys on the side of the device. These are right where I have have to grip it when using it as a phone (for which, incidentally, it is a terrible form factor). So, inevitably these keys are always getting pressed when i try to hold it like a phone.

Whereas other manufacturers have learned to make the most of their keyboard real-estate with multi-function context keys (the ones that change function as you navigate through the menus - usually two just underneath the screen) - the blackberry designers felt it unecessary to provide such convenience to us business users. Instead practically every single function has to be accessed by first pressing a single menu button to pull up the list of functions and options - sometimes as much as 3 screens long! It's so tedious it's untrue.

And don't even mention all that wasted real estate on the main front screen....

so, some nicknames - feel free to suggest more:

  • scrapberry
  • crackberry (seems generally popular, though not sure why)
  • splatberry
  • whackberry
  • crapberry
  • quackberry
  • blockberry
  • bolokberry
  • shatberry
  • hackberry
  • slackberry
  • drawbackberry
  • lackberry
  • sackberry
  • setbackberry
  • smackberry
  • thwackberry
  • blankberry
  • blattberry

 

When Music-on-hold goes bad

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The Avoid List

Born of Frustration - James

Hanging On The Telephone - Blondie

Heaven Knows I Am Miserable Know - The Smiths

Hold the Line - Toto

How Long - The Eagles

Hung Up - Madonna (“Time Goes By So Slowly”) 

It's So Funny How We Don't Talk Any More - Cliff Richard 

It's Yer Money I'm After Baby - The Wonder Stuff

No Rush - Josh Turner

Paper Planes - MIA (“All I want to do is ... and … and take your money”)

Patience - Take That

Relax Take It Easy - Mika

Ring Ring - De La Soul (“Hey you doing? Sorry you couldn’t get through. If you leave a name and a number … I’ll get back to you”)

Sam’s Town - The Killers ("Why do you waste my time? Is the answer to the question on your mind")

Say Something - James (“Say Something Say Something Anything Your Silence Is Deafening”) 

Shutt Uppa Ya Face - Joe Dolce

Still Waiting - Sum 41

Talk Dirty To Me - Poison

Things Can Only Get Better - DREAM

Under Pressure - Queen

We Have All The Time In The World - Louis Armstrong

You Don't Care About Us - Placebo

You Never Give Me Your Money - The Beatles

Utility Company no-no's

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

Boom! Shake The Room - DJ Jazzy Jeff And The Fresh Prince

Every Light In The House Has Blown - Cledus T Judd

Firestarter - Prodigy

Greased Lightning (“It’s Electrifying”)

Hot And Cold - Katy Perry

Lights Out - Santigold

Relight My Fire - Take That

Short Circuit - Daft Punk

The Light - Proclaimers (“A Light Shines On That Helps You To Steer, Makes Everything Clear, Well It Might In Your World But It Doesn't In Mine, Ive Been Stumbling In The Dark For Years”) 

Une Annee Sans Lumiere - Arcade Fire

Suggestions for a Utility Company

 

Darling Leave The Lights On For Me - Belinda Carlisle

Don't Stop (Wiggle Wiggle) - Outhere Brothers (Energy!  Energy!  Energy!  Energy! ) Nb: Only Listen To The Clean Version!

Energy - Earth Wind And Fire

Light My Fire - The Doors

Our Friends Electric - Gary Newman

Power Of Love - Huey Lewis And The News

She's Electric - Oasis

Telephone Line - Electric Light Orchestra

The Power - Snap

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

Whatever You Want, Whatever You Need - Status Quo

You Are Not Alone - The Eagles

You Light Up My Life - Debby Boone